Shut Your Eyes (The You Don't Know Me Trilogy Book 3) Read online

  Shut Your Eyes

  Mandy Lee

  Copyright

  Copyright © Mandy Lee 2017 – Shut Your Eyes

  The moral right of the author has been asserted.

  All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the publisher of the book.

  Dedicated to my mom

  Contents

  Copyright

  Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Author’s note

  Shut Your Eyes

  ‘I’d like to tell him we’re never through with the past, that it’s with us forever, sometimes out of sight, sometimes in full view, always unchangeable. We can only ever learn from it … and manage the consequences.’

  Spending time apart from the man she loves, Maya’s forced to survive in a world where nothing is what it seems. With her faith tested to the limit, a trip to New York sets off a train of events that will reunite her with Dan, but threatens to destroy everything they’ve worked so hard for.

  Now, neither of them can hide from the past. If their love is to survive, they need to deal with the threats and face the truth.

  Shut Your Eyes, an erotic romance, is the final book in the You Don’t Know Me Trilogy

  Chapter One

  I open my palm, watching as the tiny stylised sweet pea flashes in a shaft of light. I’ve been holding the necklace for an age, reciting Dan’s words over and over again: ‘Keep it safe. Look at it and think of me … because one day soon, you’ll be wearing it again.’ It’s my talisman, warding off evil and bringing good fortune. As long as it’s with me, as long as I believe in it, I’ll be fine. If I had my way, I’d never take it off, but for now I need to keep it buried, along with the truth. Wrapping it up in tissue, I tuck it away in the side pocket of my handbag and sit back, listening as the sounds of the world seep back into my head: a shout in the street, the blast of a car horn, an engine revving. I have no idea how long I’ve been sitting here. All I know is this – the whirlwind of life with Dan has slammed to a halt, dumping me back in Camden with a hastily packed suitcase.

  But I can’t stay like this forever. I need to crack through the shock and drag myself back to reality. I focus on the suitcase first. It’s sitting by the door, where Beefy dropped it off. And then I move my attention to an empty wine bottle; two glasses, both used; DVDs littered across the floor; the remnants of a chocolate bar. Finally, I notice something just behind the television, a crumpled pair of knickers. I only moved out a week ago and since then the flat seems to have filled up with the chaotic left-overs of Lucy’s relationship with Clive. I pick up my mobile and check the time. It’s just after six and it’s already growing dark, probably because it’s raining again. Late July and summer seems to have given up on London. Packed its bags and moved elsewhere. It’s certainly moved out of my heart, leaving me with nothing but a grim, familiar ache.

  A key scrapes in the lock, making me jump. The time for thinking has come to an end. I steel myself for the job ahead. Until Boyd’s dealt with, I’ll be living cheek by jowl with deception, and it’s not something I relish. I hate secrets.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Lucy demands, appearing in the doorway. She slings her handbag onto the floor and comes to a halt in the middle of the room. ‘Clive texted me. He said you wanted to meet me here. Shouldn’t you be at the hospital?’

  I shake my head. ‘No.’

  ‘Why not?’

  Oh bloody hell. How do I begin? I really should have rehearsed this. I’m just no good at ad-libbing.

  ‘Maya, talk to me.’

  Come on, I urge my brain. Find something to say. But someone seems to have switched off the light. I’m in the dark.

  Lucy’s eyes flit to the suitcase.

  ‘And what’s that doing here? Why aren’t you at home?’

  Ah, home. Now there’s a word I can use.

  ‘This is my home …’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ She clamps her hands on her hips. ‘Your home’s in Lambeth. Millionaire’s penthouse, wooden floors, walk-in wardrobes, floor-to-ceiling windows, all that shizzle.’

  Okay, so it’s bombshell time.

  ‘Dan’s finished with me.’

  I look up to find Lucy staring at me, eyes wide. Working themselves up into action, her lips begin to quiver.

  ‘So,’ I continue before she can launch into a rant, ‘I’m back here … for good.’

  ‘But …’

  I wait for something else. When nothing comes, I decide to fill the silence with a little repetition.

  ‘He’s finished with me, Luce.’

  She scans the room, spots the discarded knickers, quickly retrieves them and stuffs them into her handbag.

  ‘What’s happened this time?’ she asks, rubbing her hands together.

  I clasp my knees, trying to pin down the exact place to start but, like an irritating fly determined to avoid a good swatting, it’s escaped. I gaze at my hands, and say nothing.

  ‘Okay, I’ll get it out of you sooner or later.’ She scans the room again before stating the obvious. ‘This place is a mess. I haven’t been back here for a few days. I’ve been at Dan’s … or round Clive’s. I’m sorry.’

  ‘It’s fine.’

  ‘No, it’s not.’ She rubs the back of her hand against her forehead. ‘I bet there’s stuff growing in the sink.’

  I stare at her for a moment or two, surprised that she’s suddenly blurred. I have no idea what’s caused a handful of tears to make an appearance, but I’m thoroughly grateful for their company. They can only help with the charade.

  ‘Oh God,’ Lucy groans, leaving the room. Within seconds, she’s back, clutching an entire roll of toilet paper. ‘Here.’ Throwing it onto my lap, she collapses next to me. ‘Now, get on with it. What’s happened?’

  Pulling away a length of toilet roll and blowing my nose, I run through what I’d really like to say: ‘Oh, you know, a psychopathic ex-boyfriend trying to kill the love of my life, threatening to harm just about anyone we know if we don’t stay apart; the usual sort of crap.’ But the truth is out of bounds. After bludgeoning my way into the loop, I’ve agreed to stick to the party line. Pulling away a second strip of tissue, I dab my eyes, and finally the starting point settles in front of me. Before it can dart off again, I grab it.

  ‘You know I told you I’d done something stupid?’

  She nods.

  ‘Well, it was really stupid.’

  ‘How stupid?’

  ‘Ten out of ten stupid.’

  ‘Tell me
.’

  ‘His sister … she came down on Friday night.’

  Her eyes expand.

  ‘The one who wrote the card?’

  It’s my turn to nod. ‘She turned up out of the blue.’

  ‘Crap.’

  ‘She wanted to see Dan.’

  ‘Double crap.’

  ‘His other sister’s not well … and I’d offered a way in.’

  Her forehead creases. ‘How come?’

  Ready for the admission, I take in a breath.

  ‘I went to see her … behind Dan’s back. I couldn’t help myself,’ I explain quickly. ‘I went to Limmingham.’

  ‘Triple crap.’

  ‘I only wanted to make contact. I thought I could help. You know … like we said?’

  She shuffles about on her bottom.

  ‘Oh, for fuck’s sake, Maya. I didn’t think you’d actually do it.’

  ‘It was your idea,’ I remind her.

  It’s bad enough admitting what I’ve done. I know I’ve been an idiot, and I really don’t need confirmation from Lucy. Anger rubs against my skull, like sandpaper, distracting me from the job in hand.

  ‘Yes, but … I didn’t think you’d actually go through with it.’ She blows out a lungful of air. ‘This is all my fault. I put the stupid idea in your head.’

  And maybe, I’d like to add, if you’d flagged up the fact that it was a stupid idea, I wouldn’t have gone through with it. I give myself a good mental slap. This is all done and dusted, not worth arguing over. I need to get back on track, shove the mistakes to one side and deal with the fallout.

  ‘You put the idea into my head.’ I hold up my hand to prevent any interruptions. ‘But I’m the one who acted on it. If there’s anyone to blame around here, it’s me. I should never have meddled.’

  ‘So, what happened?’

  ‘He got home, refused to talk to Layla, lost it and stormed out. He took the bike and, well …’ I wave a hand in the air. ‘You know the rest.’

  ‘Shit.’ I watch her face as she ploughs through confusion, finally latching on to a realisation. ‘The accident?’

  I nod.

  ‘If I hadn’t got in touch with Layla, she wouldn’t have come down to London, and Dan wouldn’t be in hospital right now.’

  ‘No wonder he’s pissed off.’ She shuffles about again. ‘But he was okay with you. When he woke up, he was alright.’

  ‘And then he remembered. I went too far. There’s something between him and Layla, and I can’t work it out. He refused to see me this morning, and then he got Clive to do his dirty work.’ And this is where the sort-of-truth ends. It’s time for the outright lies. ‘So, that’s it. We’re done. Kaput. Finito.’

  ‘Shit.’ Lucy sucks at her bottom lip, deep in thought. ‘He’ll come to his senses.’

  And the denials.

  ‘I don’t think so.’

  ‘Yes, he will.’ She waves a finger at me. ‘He’ll realise you were only trying to make things better. He’s probably off his tits on drugs … but at some point … at some point …’

  ‘He won’t change his mind. That’s been made perfectly clear to me.’

  The finger waving comes to an end.

  ‘Jeez, this is a mess.’ She gets to her feet. ‘I’ll talk to Clive, and then he can talk to Dan.’

  ‘No,’ I snap, knowing full-well Clive’s not even going to be talking to Lucy for much longer. ‘I’ve crossed a line. It’s one hundred percent over.’

  ‘Fuck, is it?’ she sneers dismissively.

  ‘Fuck, it is. Leave it, Lucy. I’ve had enough.’

  ‘This is a disaster.’ Her arms flap up and down. ‘He’s got it wrong. You were just trying to help. So what if you stepped over a line? What sort of fucking stupid line is it? His sister? How bad can she be? I mean, has he met your sister?’ The arm flapping stops. ‘Of course he has,’ she breathes. ‘But if he can deal with Sara, he can deal with his own bloody family.’

  ‘It’s not that simple. Layla’s a no-go area.’

  ‘A no-go area? That’s ridiculous.’ The arms flap again, faster this time, as if she’s trying to take off. ‘I’m going to give him a piece of my mind. I’ll get Clive to take me over to the hospital and I don’t care how crap he feels, I’ll make him feel crappier.’

  ‘Calm down.’

  ‘No, I will not calm down. You try to help him, and he dumps you. The man’s a twat. I’m going to tell him to his twatty face.’

  ‘Lucy! I don’t want you getting involved. Meddling got me into this situation. More meddling’s only going to make it worse.’

  ‘We fixed it last time.’ She taps her chest. ‘Me and Clive. We can fix it again. Yes, we can.’

  ‘You’re not Bob the fucking Builder. It’s un-fixable, so leave it. He’s not the man for me. I’m fed up with all the stupid complications, and the drama and the secrets.’ I’m crying again and it’s not really surprising. After all, I am fed up. ‘Right now, I just want a bit of peace and quiet … and then …’ I falter. ‘I’ll move on. Yes, I will.’ A sob escapes at the very thought of it. ‘I’ll find someone else … eventually. Someone normal … with no fucking issues. Someone who cleans his car every Sunday, and loves his mum and dad, and watches football on the telly … and ...’

  ‘Bores you rigid,’ Lucy adds knowingly. ‘You’ve just described Tom.’

  ‘Oh shut up.’

  I pull away another length of toilet roll and while Lucy sits down again, sliding into a disgruntled silence, I sniff, blow my nose a few times and sob a little more

  ‘What about Boyd?’ she asks at last.

  ‘Not him. He’s not normal.’

  ‘That’s not what I mean and you know it. Boyd’s still out there. I know he’s been stalking you. Clive told me.’

  She waits, obviously expecting me to provide the details. But I’m giving none. I have no idea how much she already knows, and no wish to stoke the fire with unnecessary information.

  ‘So, what’s going to happen now? Is Dan throwing you to the wolves?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘We should go to Spain, live with my mum for a few months, take on new identities, work in bars …’

  ‘Stop it.’ I cut in. ‘I don’t need to hide. Dan may be a twat, but he’s not a bastard.’

  ‘Well, I don’t know about that …’

  ‘He’s going to have Boyd dealt with.’

  ‘What? Like taken out?’

  ‘Like warned off,’ I correct her, although with Bill’s involvement, I’m not entirely sure that’ll be the end of it. ‘I’m protected. He’s not hanging me out to dry.’

  ‘So, where’s the protection?’

  ‘Out there.’ I point at the window.

  ‘In the back yard?’

  ‘Don’t be stupid. Just somewhere out there.’

  ‘You’re sure?’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  ‘Well, I’m going to ask Clive about that …’ She trails off into silence. Out of nowhere, a cloud of panic envelops her. I can practically see it billowing about her head. ‘Oh my God … what do I do about Clive?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  Because there’s no need. Clive’s about to play his own part in this whole sorry masquerade. By the end of the evening, he’ll have dumped her and she’ll hate his guts. A wave of nausea rolls through my stomach, bringing with it a sudden urge to tell the truth. For a split second, a full and frank admission hovers precariously on my lips … but I swallow it back.

  ‘If I carry on seeing him, it’s going make things hard for you.’

  ‘Don’t be silly. We’re all grown up. I’m not expecting you to split up with Clive just because of this. You don’t have to worry about me. I can cope.’

  ‘I couldn’t break up with him anyway.’

  A second wave. A second urge. In all the time I’ve known Lucy, I’ve never seen her fall for a man, not all the way, complete with hook, line and sinker. Please don’t tell me she’s gone and done it with Clive. Please, please,
please …

  ‘I think I’m in love,’ she confesses quietly, almost embarrassed, and then a strange expression creeps across her face, half smile, half grimace. It’s a little unsettling, as if she’s got wind, and she’s enjoying it. ‘Yes,’ she murmurs. ‘I’m in love.’

  If I wasn’t fully aware of the impending romantic doom, I’d be jumping for joy right now. Instead, my heart threatens to break for both of them. They’ve been sucked into a disaster that belongs to me and Dan. Through no fault of their own, they’re about to pay the price.

  ‘He wants to see me tonight.’

  ‘That’s nice.’

  The strange expression disappears, and I’m relieved … until concern arrives in its place.

  ‘I’ll stay in. You need company.’

  Actually, that’s the last thing I need. An evening with Lucy means a good few hours of acting, and I’m already exhausted by it all. But more than that, Clive needs to play his part as quickly as possible. As terrible as I feel, I need to help the process along.

  ‘No, Lucy. Just go out with him.’ I lay a hand on her thigh and magic up a concerned expression of my own. ‘He’s having a hard time. His best friend’s in hospital. He’s been under a lot of stress. He needs to see you. And don’t try some hare-brained plan. No stupid interventions.’

  Guilt flickers in her eyes. I’ve caught her in the act.

  ‘It won’t work,’ I warn her. ‘Last time, Dan wanted me back. This time … he doesn’t.’

  We sit in silence for a while, until Lucy finally slopes off to prepare herself for an ill-fated night out and I settle for unpacking my belongings. After dragging the suitcase into the bedroom, I set about stuffing combats, T-shirts, knickers and bras back into the drawers. With the job done, I perch on the end of the bed, gazing at a familiar room that’s now woefully empty. There are no photographs on the bedside table, no knick-knacks strewn across the chest of drawers. The covers on the bed haven’t been changed since I left, and there’s a thin layer of dust on every surface. Neglected and half forgotten, it’s the shell of a former life, but for the next few weeks, it’ll have to do.